I talk so much about songs I dislike on this blog – mostly because tearing songs to shreds is far more fun, and funny – so I figured I’d dump some songs I do actually like here. Three songs this time around, all of which are catchy and fun and none of the bullshit club banger nonsense that eat away at the charts like necrotic parasites.
Lloyd – Dedication to my Ex (Miss That) ft. Andre 3000
Mega catchy, funky pop with Andre 3000 rapping? Yes please. Andre 3000 rapping as a cat in the video? Even better! To be fair this got to number 3 in Australia, but only 79 in the US – far lower than it deserved to be.
Well, yeah, it’s Beyoncé and it got to number 20 on the Billboard charts but really, it should’ve been number 1 for 8 weeks or something. Instead, we get saddled with this Gotye bullshit and Adele moping. Urgh.
Perhaps forgotten by some, Mya’s Case of the Ex was actually a number 2 hit on the Billboard, but it seems to have fallen by the wayside a little. Here’s my friendly reminder that slinky, bitter, independent-lady RnB songs are far, far better than Rihanna yelling over David Guetta’s musical farts.
Katy Perry: from bland, to bland girl trying super hard to fit in and be cool.
Contained herein are images of a Tumblr post that’s currently circulating with about 20,000 notes on it (warning: open that page and music will play). Here is my response:
Let’s cut the bullshit, friends. When I or you or anyone says ‘pop’ we are referring to an incredibly broad genre. Have you ever thought that The Beatles – pre-eminent pop band of the world ever – are a pop band? And that Ke$ha is a pop artist? And therefore the two occupy the same segmented space in the music landscape? It’s a scary thought (the amount of glitter Ke$ha wears would’ve made the Fab Four trip balls).
So this is a thing I might start doing fairly regularly of songs I love/am loving which slot easily into the pop spectrum (there’s a euphemism here, I know it!). The first artist I want to feature is St. Vincent – the moniker of multi-instrumentalist Annie Clark. Clark is one of those people who really thinks about her music, really crafts it. There’s always a theme at work and everything is meticulously done. Also, her songs reflect on herself, as she reflects on her songs.
A few weeks ago, I posted a ‘Great Pop Song of the Week’ or something similarly stupidly titled, which I never did again because there is such a dearth of good pop songs at the moment. The post in question contained the song Rolling in the Deep by Adele. And you know what? Already sick of it. At the time, it hadn’t really made it big yet. It was top of the charts in the UK, but Glee hadn’t stuck it in the song-processor and sat out a more autotuned version yet; the album hadn’t bitch-slapped its way to the top of the Billboard charts; and it hadn’t been played every 5 minutes on every radio station and TV music channel.
But now it has, and I am fucking sick of it.
[in hallway of McKinley High]
Rachel: “EVERYBODY OUT OF MY WAY, I AM RACHEL BERRY AND VERY IMPORTANT!”
Random passing student throws a Slushie on her, deservedly.
Rachel: “WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD? LOOK AT ME, A PRETTY AND TALENTED WHITE GIRL IN APPARENTLY THE RICHEST PUBLIC SCHOOL IN AMERICA, AND I HAVE PEOPLE THROWING SLUSHIES ON ME. THIS MUST BE BECAUSE THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND MY OVERWHELMING PASSION FOR SINGING AND NOT BECAUSE I’M A HAUGHTY, SELF-IMPORTANT BITCH WITH THE KIND OF MOUTH THAT MAKES JULIA ROBERTS CONCERNED ABOUT HER CAREER.”
Rachel bursts into soap opera tears, and Finn enters.
Finn: “Hey, look, I know we’ve dated like…4 times before and we kept making out with other people for no real character-motivated reasons, but I think you’re totally smart and pretty and let’s hook up again.”
How’s THAT for an attention-grabbing title?
To explain this outlandish statement, I’ll firstly say that this is not a comparison I make simply to will.i.am. My theory is that, if you were to conduct an appropriate survey, Hitler would come out on top as the person considered to be the ‘worst’ or ‘most evil’ in history (the analogy still suits if you consider, say, Stalin or Pol Pot to be worse). Therefore, in all other areas of life, there must be something with which you can equate Hitler’s evil. For example, Josef Fritzl would be the Hitler of incest, Two and a Half Men would be the Hitler of television, George W. Bush would be the Hitler of Republican presidents, Glenn Beck would be the Hitler of fucking idiots, and so on, and so forth.
Thus, my hypothesis is that will.i.am has the highest magnitude of Hitlerness in music. This isn’t to say that he has committed genocide against an entire race of people killing millions ALTHOUGH I have yet to see any evidence proving this to be false!! What follows is my argument for will.i.am’s title of Music’s Hitler. If you happen to disagree with me, please feel free to rebut with another suggestion in the comment section!
Part 1 can be found by clicking here.
Exhibit D) Hinder
I think it’s worth making a point here that pop music is not strictly defined by the trashy pseudo-skanks I’ve mostly talked about on this blog. For a good part of recent pop music history, rock has permeated the airwaves with similar pervasiveness; and usually for the worse.
Hinder’s particular brand of “One Nickelback just wasn’t enough!” rock brought them a myriad of enduring popular rock hits, leaving them regarded fondly as one of the greatest, most critically-acclaimed bands of the last decade. I’m sorry, I think I just slipped into a fever dream for a second there. Lips of an Angel is an unbelievably horrible song. It sounds like what might happen if a wrestling champion was secretly uber gay and decided to turn one of the poems in his heart journal into a song.
Except for the fact that the song’s narrative is ostensibly (thanks to the film clip) telling us that this guy has a girlfriend but he calls this other chick because he really loves her which is really confusing because she has a boyfriend?
Well, my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
Hey maybe you two should break up with your respective partners instead of being colossal dicks and phone-fucking your ex? I mean you don’t have to listen to me, Hinder guy, but it seems like that is the thing that will stop this from sounding like a patriarchal ode to adultery. But anyway, beyond the douchebaggery, it’s just fucking LAME.