Review: Chris Brown – Don’t Wake Me Up / Chris Brown is a piece of shit

It had to happen sometime. I haven’t done a review proper of Chris Brown because, well, talking about the guy depresses me a little too much. He’s the horrible gift that keeps on giving even though you’re screaming for it to stop, for the love of god, just go away. I’ve never been a fan of the guy, but that instance of domestic abuse – and all the petulant, bratty, abhorrent behaviour that has occurred since – is enough to make me, and a lot of people, never want to hear from him again.

And yet he sticks around somehow. The US listening audience seems to have fairly roundly rejected him, and yet he still manages relative success here in Australia (this song particularly). Funnily, this is the fourth single to be released from the album ‘Fortune’ and, fun fact, that album isn’t actually out for another couple of weeks. So basically, all of the singles thus far have flopped so hard that they’ve had to release almost a third of the album before it even comes out. The performance of this album seems to be mirroring that of his 2009 flop ‘Graffiti’ rather than his previous effort ‘F.A.M.E’, whose most successful single – Look At Me Now – had the underlying message of, “Fuck off, I’m famous and therefore unaccountable for my shitty actions.” and the fun kicker in the lyrics of Brown saying “you faggots”, paragon of tolerance that he is.

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Review: Rihanna – Cheers (Drink to That)

I’ve never made it a secret that I’m no fan of Rihanna’s. She’s just Caribbean Katy Perry, except with more abuse and probably less role-modelling, somehow. ‘Cheers (Drink to That)’ is her seventh (!) single from her last album, Loud, proving that the album is not dead, it has simply been reborn as a collection of songs that will all eventually be released as singles for the sake of shameless money-grabbing.

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Aus No. 1 This Week: Rihanna – S&M

Rihanna, my dear. You’re… I can’t…AUGH.

There are so many things I want to say to Rihanna. In my eyes, she has a lot to answer for. Yes, okay, she was the victim of domestic abuse. And no, she isn’t obligated to become the poster-victim for the whole thing. But I feel like she’s at least obligated not to have songs about how PAIN GETS HER PUSSY WET. It’s like a retroactive statement, “No, hey, guys, really! It’s okay! Yes, Chris Brown hit me and it was very wrong of him but TO BE FAIR, I immediately had multiple orgasms. Dude knows how to use a fist.”

Yes, I do know that it’s just a song and that singing about something doesn’t necessarily become you as a person, unless you’re a stalker like Sting. To be fair on Rihanna, there’s a fine line between enjoying S&M as a sexual practice consensually and being hit non-consensually. But it just feels like a terribly unfortunate coincidence, if nothing else.

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AUS No. 2 This Week: Enrique Iglesias – Tonight (I’m Fucking/Loving You)

The song:

Apologies for using DailyMotion which also has shitty ads. Here is a link to the YouTube video because record companies suck butt and refuse to let people watch their artist’s videos in any context other than on YouTube where they can get ad money: here

I feel I was fairly kind yesterday on the number ones both here and in America. You might call it a honeymoon period, I don’t know. Perhaps a period of mild tolerance, but (because I’m trying not to spoil it for myself) I didn’t check what the number twos were after I wrote about the number ones. And to be perfectly honest with you, ‘number two’ is a damn good way to describe these songs.

Enrique Iglesias is enjoying a career resurgence thanks to some incredibly artificial, manufactured pop and the fact that he’s sexy and Latin. It’s a far cry from his previous biggest hit, ‘Hero’, which was about love and being there for his woman in her time of need and also how sexy he is. There’s really a lot of arrogant machismo underscoring his biggest singles, and ‘Tonight’ is no exception.

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