Review: Chris Brown – Don’t Wake Me Up / Chris Brown is a piece of shit

It had to happen sometime. I haven’t done a review proper of Chris Brown because, well, talking about the guy depresses me a little too much. He’s the horrible gift that keeps on giving even though you’re screaming for it to stop, for the love of god, just go away. I’ve never been a fan of the guy, but that instance of domestic abuse – and all the petulant, bratty, abhorrent behaviour that has occurred since – is enough to make me, and a lot of people, never want to hear from him again.

And yet he sticks around somehow. The US listening audience seems to have fairly roundly rejected him, and yet he still manages relative success here in Australia (this song particularly). Funnily, this is the fourth single to be released from the album ‘Fortune’ and, fun fact, that album isn’t actually out for another couple of weeks. So basically, all of the singles thus far have flopped so hard that they’ve had to release almost a third of the album before it even comes out. The performance of this album seems to be mirroring that of his 2009 flop ‘Graffiti’ rather than his previous effort ‘F.A.M.E’, whose most successful single – Look At Me Now – had the underlying message of, “Fuck off, I’m famous and therefore unaccountable for my shitty actions.” and the fun kicker in the lyrics of Brown saying “you faggots”, paragon of tolerance that he is.

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Review: Madonna – Give Me All Your Luvin’ (feat. M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj)

Madonna is back, everyone! This is a good thing. The pop music landscape needs a (stalwart other than Kylie Minogue) to whip these uppity little bitches into shape, and who better to do so than The Queen of Pop? Okay, well, who is more likely to do so? No one, really. As much as I would love for Bonnie Tyler to collaborate with Kanye and break back into the mainstream, I don’t see that happening any time soon (but seriously, has no rapper sampled Total Eclipse of the Heart yet?!).

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Feature: lyrics that are as bad (if not worse) than Rebecca Black’s ‘Friday’ (pt. 2)

Part 1 can be found by clicking here.

Exhibit D) Hinder

I think it’s worth making a point here that pop music is not strictly defined by the trashy pseudo-skanks I’ve mostly talked about on this blog. For a good part of recent pop music history, rock has permeated the airwaves with similar pervasiveness; and usually for the worse.

Hinder’s particular brand of “One Nickelback just wasn’t enough!” rock brought them a myriad of enduring popular rock hits, leaving them regarded fondly as one of the greatest, most critically-acclaimed bands of the last decade. I’m sorry, I think I just slipped into a fever dream for a second there. Lips of an Angel is an unbelievably horrible song. It sounds like what might happen if a wrestling champion was secretly uber gay and decided to turn one of the poems in his heart journal into a song.

Except for the fact that the song’s narrative is ostensibly (thanks to the film clip) telling us that this guy has a girlfriend but he calls this other chick because he really loves her which is really confusing because she has a boyfriend?

Well, my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

Hey maybe you two should break up with your respective partners instead of being colossal dicks and phone-fucking your ex? I mean you don’t have to listen to me, Hinder guy, but it seems like that is the thing that will stop this from sounding like a patriarchal ode to adultery. But anyway, beyond the douchebaggery, it’s just fucking LAME.

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