Review: Carly Rae Jepsen – Call Me Maybe

I don’t know if anyone else ever does this, but whenever I trawl through the charts listening to the songs I’ve yet to hear anywhere else, I sometimes black out and wake up covered in blood. Usually this is because I listen to a song whose success is so bewildering to me that I can’t help but murder people, maybe. One such song was  ‘Call Me Maybe’ by Carly Rae Jepsen, who like, how is she NOT just Taylor Swift 2.0? With a name like that? It’s like she’s the sweet, innocent 16 year old that gets put through the first few rounds of American Idol auditions just because the judges can’t bear to make her cry on national television, because how can Jennifer Lopez harvest her tears to bathe in then?

The most alarming thing about this song, though, is that it’s a hit. But it sounds like a hit from 10 years ago. This is like, the 2012 version of Mandy Moore’s ‘Candy’.

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Review: Madonna – Give Me All Your Luvin’ (feat. M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj)

Madonna is back, everyone! This is a good thing. The pop music landscape needs a (stalwart other than Kylie Minogue) to whip these uppity little bitches into shape, and who better to do so than The Queen of Pop? Okay, well, who is more likely to do so? No one, really. As much as I would love for Bonnie Tyler to collaborate with Kanye and break back into the mainstream, I don’t see that happening any time soon (but seriously, has no rapper sampled Total Eclipse of the Heart yet?!).

No, I’m a Madge purist. Continue reading

Feature: Measuring Lady Gaga’s true influence on pop

Katy Perry: from bland, to bland girl trying super hard to fit in and be cool.

Katy Perry: from bland, to bland girl trying super hard to fit in and be cool.

Contained herein are images of a Tumblr post that’s currently circulating with about 20,000 notes on it (warning: open that page and music will play). Here is my response:

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