Review: Chris Brown – Don’t Wake Me Up / Chris Brown is a piece of shit

It had to happen sometime. I haven’t done a review proper of Chris Brown because, well, talking about the guy depresses me a little too much. He’s the horrible gift that keeps on giving even though you’re screaming for it to stop, for the love of god, just go away. I’ve never been a fan of the guy, but that instance of domestic abuse – and all the petulant, bratty, abhorrent behaviour that has occurred since – is enough to make me, and a lot of people, never want to hear from him again.

And yet he sticks around somehow. The US listening audience seems to have fairly roundly rejected him, and yet he still manages relative success here in Australia (this song particularly). Funnily, this is the fourth single to be released from the album ‘Fortune’ and, fun fact, that album isn’t actually out for another couple of weeks. So basically, all of the singles thus far have flopped so hard that they’ve had to release almost a third of the album before it even comes out. The performance of this album seems to be mirroring that of his 2009 flop ‘Graffiti’ rather than his previous effort ‘F.A.M.E’, whose most successful single – Look At Me Now – had the underlying message of, “Fuck off, I’m famous and therefore unaccountable for my shitty actions.” and the fun kicker in the lyrics of Brown saying “you faggots”, paragon of tolerance that he is.

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Great pop songs you must have in your library

I talk so much about songs I dislike on this blog – mostly because tearing songs to shreds is far more fun, and funny – so I figured I’d dump some songs I do actually like here. Three songs this time around, all of which are catchy and fun and none of the bullshit club banger nonsense that eat away at the charts like necrotic parasites.

Lloyd – Dedication to my Ex (Miss That) ft. Andre 3000

Mega catchy, funky pop with Andre 3000 rapping? Yes please. Andre 3000 rapping as a cat in the video? Even better! To be fair this got to number 3 in Australia, but only 79 in the US – far lower than it deserved to be.

Well, yeah, it’s Beyoncé and it got to number 20 on the Billboard charts but really, it should’ve been number 1 for 8 weeks or something. Instead, we get saddled with this Gotye bullshit and Adele moping. Urgh.

Perhaps forgotten by some, Mya’s Case of the Ex was actually a number 2 hit on the Billboard, but it seems to have fallen by the wayside a little. Here’s my friendly reminder that slinky, bitter, independent-lady RnB songs are far, far better than Rihanna yelling over David Guetta’s musical farts.

Review: Madonna – Give Me All Your Luvin’ (feat. M.I.A. and Nicki Minaj)

Madonna is back, everyone! This is a good thing. The pop music landscape needs a (stalwart other than Kylie Minogue) to whip these uppity little bitches into shape, and who better to do so than The Queen of Pop? Okay, well, who is more likely to do so? No one, really. As much as I would love for Bonnie Tyler to collaborate with Kanye and break back into the mainstream, I don’t see that happening any time soon (but seriously, has no rapper sampled Total Eclipse of the Heart yet?!).

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Feature: Measuring Lady Gaga’s true influence on pop

Katy Perry: from bland, to bland girl trying super hard to fit in and be cool.

Katy Perry: from bland, to bland girl trying super hard to fit in and be cool.

Contained herein are images of a Tumblr post that’s currently circulating with about 20,000 notes on it (warning: open that page and music will play). Here is my response:

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Review: Rihanna – Cheers (Drink to That)

I’ve never made it a secret that I’m no fan of Rihanna’s. She’s just Caribbean Katy Perry, except with more abuse and probably less role-modelling, somehow. ‘Cheers (Drink to That)’ is her seventh (!) single from her last album, Loud, proving that the album is not dead, it has simply been reborn as a collection of songs that will all eventually be released as singles for the sake of shameless money-grabbing.

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Aus No. 1 This Week: Rihanna – S&M

Rihanna, my dear. You’re… I can’t…AUGH.

There are so many things I want to say to Rihanna. In my eyes, she has a lot to answer for. Yes, okay, she was the victim of domestic abuse. And no, she isn’t obligated to become the poster-victim for the whole thing. But I feel like she’s at least obligated not to have songs about how PAIN GETS HER PUSSY WET. It’s like a retroactive statement, “No, hey, guys, really! It’s okay! Yes, Chris Brown hit me and it was very wrong of him but TO BE FAIR, I immediately had multiple orgasms. Dude knows how to use a fist.”

Yes, I do know that it’s just a song and that singing about something doesn’t necessarily become you as a person, unless you’re a stalker like Sting. To be fair on Rihanna, there’s a fine line between enjoying S&M as a sexual practice consensually and being hit non-consensually. But it just feels like a terribly unfortunate coincidence, if nothing else.

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